Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Run, Don't Walk

Yesterday I had my appointment to be evaluated as a possible participant in a study on fibromyalgia. My tests included testing how many pounds of force I can create when squeezing my hands, how far I could walk in six minutes, and how long it took me to stand and sit ten times in succession. I also had to have my trigger points evaluated for their pain levels. I'll find out in two weeks if I qualify.

I also had to fill out a lot of questionnaires. Some were basic with demographic info, but most dealt with quantifying the effect of fibromyalgia on my daily life. I remember looking at the question that asked "How often does fibromyalgia interfere with your ability to engage in social activities?" At first I was going to check "not at all," but then I thought about it. How often have I been so tired that I skipped going to something I really wanted to go to, because my body ached so much or I was too tired? I can think of times that I skipped the gym, once a Vienna Teng concert, and plenty of instances that I have canceled on friends for the movies or just going out. In fact, I had even considered missing seeing Hillary Clinton because I was tired on Sunday.

Tonight I'm going to visit a class at Simmons to see what the experience is like. The thought of just going home has been dancing through my head all day. But I'm going to make myself go. I don't like to think I'm limited by my condition, but really, when I look at it all properly, I do let it get me down.

Yesterday at the screening, I met a woman who is on disability because of her fibromyalgia. I don't want to be like that; I want to keep being active, keep doing yoga, keep working. I think this is a moment that I need to hold on, to remind me to keep going, even when I'm "too tired."

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